


Soon We'll be Found

by stardropdream



Category: Blood-C
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 10:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardropdream/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the readjustment of feelings that she needs, to shed away the thoughts of <i>that </i>Saya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soon We'll be Found

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ March 30, 2012.

Readjustment. That is what she needs.   
  
There are things that were once fundamentally true that are no longer true. Things that she once accepted without question that now need all the questions in the world. Her name is Saya, but not Kisaragi. She is not a student at Sanbara High School. Her mother was not the protecting shrine maiden of Ukishima Shrine. Her father was not Tadayoshi Kisaragi.  
  
Adjustment. That is what she struggles with. _That_ Saya was someone she did not recognize now. She can remember doing and saying the things she did and said. But there is a disconnect, a distance. She recognizes it as something she experienced, and yet it is like watching another person play the part in a performance. The words, the expressions, the feelings they excite—they do and do not belong to her.  
  
The shadow of feelings linger—not something she can shed away easily. It’s a dull ache. Feelings severed from her and yet a part of her, pulsing, wounded, inside of her. She remembers the swell of pride when her father touched her head—still Father, not Tadayoshi, no, _father_ —She remembers the almost flutter in her heart when Tokizane was close. The discomfort when Itsuki was closer. The feeling of contentment when Yuka, Nene, and Nono all smiled and laughed with her. The ache of regret with their deaths, that hollow ache that told her she’d failed, that she was alone and helpless. She can still remember the way her heart jumped when—  
  
But she doesn’t think of _him._ This disconnect seers white-hot when she thinks of Fumito. That affection that lingers is both hers and someone else’s. It serves only to fuel an unsatisfied anger—desire to kill, to make him pay—an anger and hatred and shame that such feelings could linger so strongly inside her.   
  
_That_ Saya almost loved him. Those feelings still beat inside. She hates it. She can’t stand it, stand to know such ugliness pulses alongside her swelling rage. She can’t afford such weakness.  
  
Adjustment. She cannot stand _that_ Saya. Foolish and overly trusting, clumsy and careless, taking too long to question what was so clear from the beginning. Lacking the skill and restraint, lacking—always lacking—  
  
And cherishing the touch of Fumito’s hand, as if it was something only for her, as if he _loved_ her, too—!  
  
These glimmers of things that do not belong haunt her all the same. Adjustment. She knows she must purge them if she hopes to be successful, knows she must kill these _human_ emotions inside her.  
  
She knows she cannot last, with the remnants of a dead life, a girl who is not her but lingers all the same, beating down in her gut, flickering with kindness and love and, worst of all, foolish hope.  
  
Readjustment.


End file.
